There’s a myth that’s so prevalent in society today, it’s hard to see it for what it is. It wakes you up in the morning, travels with you throughout the day, hovers behind your social media feed and tucks you up in bed at night.
It’s been with you for years; you may have lived with it your whole life. It haunts you, but it’s a subtle ghost, and it whispers cleverly when you’re listening the other way.
The myth is this: You’re supposed to get it right.
Whatever ‘right’ is – and it changes according to geography, social class, generations and many other demographics – there’s an idea that you, as a human, are meant to hit the mark. You ought to be nailing it in marriage, children, career, social life, politics, what your home looks like, what clothes you wear, which words you choose, and a thousand other arenas, from small to large.
These aren’t the laws of the land. There’s no rulebook you can follow. Instead, you must pay attention to your peer group and the things they praise and criticise, to understand what ‘getting it right’ means. You scroll through your feed to see what the admired are advising. You keep a tally in your head of your score. Maybe you’re smashing it on the big things, letting the small things go. Perhaps everything’s important to get right. You ask yourself, what’s the worst thing to get wrong? How soon will it be before you slip up?
Now imagine an alternative. Imagine that you can see this myth for what it is: created in the heads of humans, each of whom have a definition of what ‘right’ is. Then go further – that nobody’s supposed to get it right. That the opposite is true – you’re supposed to get it wrong.
Humans, from the beginning of existence, have been getting it wrong. Eating the wrong berries, travelling the wrong way, planting the wrong seeds, saying the wrong thing, pleasing the wrong people, chasing the wrong ideals. Many of the things that you think are right at this moment in time may, one day, be proven to be wrong. There is no getting it right. History has shown us that humans get it wrong, over and over again.
There are two ways to think about this. One is that humanity is a lost cause. The other is that the wrongness of humans is part of us. That trying to get it right is wrong – it’s like chasing a rainbow, and you can lose your life in its pursuit. The best any of us can do is not just accept that we’re wrong, but learn to love our wrongness too.
That’s easier said than done, especially when you’re lying in bed, doomscrolling through your wrongness in your mind. But try wrestling with the concept of loving the parts of you that fail, and that the stickier this is, the more important it may be. Because humans – you and I included – are brilliant, endlessly inventive, curious – and almost always wrong.
© Stephanie Lam 2024
Stephanie Lam is a writer and coach, based in the UK. She writes for Breathe magazine and Gather magazine, and works with people and businesses who put wellbeing and open-heartedness at the top of their list. Find out more on her website stephanielam.co.uk, follow her on Instagram @stephanie_lam_1, or connect on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephanielam-uk
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